I'm thinking of advertising for help this year; don't all rush at once, monetary reward would be slender. But then, the duties of my assistant would be simple, provided he - it would probably have to be a 'he', although no doubt there are some big, sauncy lassies out there - had the muscles of a brewer's drayman..... I need someone to open these ******* bottles of Linseed oil and Winsor and Newton Artists' Painting Medium with their child-proof caps. You're supposed to be able to press the damn' things down and then just unscrew them. Ha! I pressed hard enough to fracture a brazil nut, and all I got was a series of dull - strangely irritating - clicks. I was almost reduced to taking a hacksaw to the thing. Eventually, and not without causing a nasty twinge where you might expect a hernia to appear (and I confidently do) I managed it - by which time I was hot, sweating, bothered, irritable, angry, and didn't feel like going on with a painting at all. Child-proof, Winsor & N, shouldn't also mean ageing artist proof; there are no kids within reach of my painting materials, and if any turn up and fancy taking a swig of Linseed Oil, I say LET 'em die..... Assuming they can get into it in the first place. Is there some rule, written in indelible ink, that every damn' thing on the face of the earth has to get more damn' difficult in the name of child protection? How many children have ever gargled with artists' materials anyway? How many ancient painters, on the other hand, have succumbed to ruptures, strokes, heart attacks, or fits of insanity involving climbing the walls, ripping down the curtains, and running naked through the town as a result of grappling with your bloody packaging?