WIP - Control/Dancer - CRITICISM REQUESTED by Amanda Bates

I honestly can't see anything to criticise in this painting. There is a lovely sense of movement in the figure, the gauzy material of the dress is very well painted and I like the swirling ribbons. I should be very happy with it if I were you!

I'm with Thea, it looks great to me Amanda

I agree with the others, I can't find anything to criticize.

My only criticism is that the ribbons seem too flat. They need to have more differences in the widths and more shading and light. They seem too solid for such a beautiful painting especially compared with the rest of it. Other than that I love it and to be honest you could leave it as it is.

What a great idea for a subject and its going well. I will crit isise one little bit…on the grounds that you asked. The yellow ribbon in her right hand looks like an extension of her hand. Maybe make it a lot longer…But as you are still in progress maybe you realised that.

Writing as a 'ham amateur', there are aspects that I would re consider. There are too many disparate elements, non of which inter relate. The two side panels are featureless and a bit of a distraction, especially the left/back edge which cuts through the dancer's raised arm. The point of convergence is on the dancer's right shoulder which is ok but you need to get the diminishing widths of the tiles accurate otherwise the perspective doesn't work. I think that the tiles are too large and tonally distracting. I would tonally lighten them to fading..same with the side panels.The ribbons, instead of echoing the dancer's sense of freedom, are too tight and restrict the human image rather than mirror its sense of release so the figure looks static rather than moving. The white space in the distance does nothing but act as a filler...I would make it more ethereal and narrower. Our art school head would have said the this was a 'mongrel' painting...too many elements, non of which have anything in common with each other. I would do some things to sort it out..sit and look at it, then look again. Decide what you want to convey. Simplify it...Sit in front of it...close your eyes,,,,, then open and examine your first reaction..colour? Tone? Linear quality? Movement? Perspective? Don't settle for second best if you think that you can do better. The trick, of course, is wanting to. That's my lot..the effect of the tablets is wearing off!!

Wow, Roger, that's quite some critique. You may call yourself a "ham amateur", but there seems to be rather more art school in your background than I can lay claim to, so I bow to your greater knowledge. ~~~ (I thought I had finished it today, but now I'm less sure... I'm also unsure about continuing or starting over; it *is* destined for a competition). ~~~ I definitely agree about the ribbons constricting the dance, and the white space is wrong; it should bleed into the corridor more, and there should be more variation in it - a hint of something there. Narrower, I hadn't considered; perhaps it *should* be further away. The corridor walls were poorly thought out. I've since added a suggestion of a window on the left, but I'm not sure that it's right. The walls were intended to be a bit grey and nondescript, but I wasn't sure if they were indoor or out (an alley). ~~~ I have realised (today) that there might have been a subconscious Ghormenghast influence to the location. Hmm. The more I think about it, the more I am tempted to start over. I might keep the Gormeghast idea, though (based on an incomplete reading of the trilogy nearly 20 years ago!)

Amanda...apologies for the essay...must be something to do with writing too many school reports. One final thing...you are creating a narrative work, whether it was your intention or not, and I think there is a mental process that I certainly used to go through...begin with a vague idea/ image...start tentatively on it...as it develops, so does the narrative which needs to be concrete as one works...trouble is, lack of initial clarity can't keep up with what is developing and I would end up with a disjointed miserable, muddle of form and content...is there an expression...'thinking on the hoof? Dunno...Last two things...promise...if you painted 'in', you can paint 'out'...starting again needs a big breath. Depends on how important your work is to you. Gormenghast is great! Going to lie down...

This piece has limited extra work potential. It's done with a knife and there are already a few places where I've made corrections and ended up with lumps in icongruous places. I started riffing on the idea of a different background (with pencil and paper) and ended up with a completely different idea for the competition. I may continue with this anyhow as well, as far as I can. ~~~~ I really do appreciate your thoughts, Roger. And yes, there's a narrative here - the problem is that there might be too much to it. Rather a lot of subconscious stuff going on that I'm only just noticing.

Many thanks, too, to Thea, Ros, Kevin, Dawn and Sylvia. I'm about to post a series of in-progress images showing that I did take note of at least some of what you said...