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DSCF4152

Anonymous User

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Posted
Thank you, Robert. It is haiku, a few words need changing, but I wanted to stay with the words Michael used in this instance. Michael has presented a lovely sensory vision, I just couldn't resist. I've been reading and practicing this ancient form for just over a year a tiny poem that can portray so much...if done right :) The English language version doesn't strictly adhere to the 575 of the traditional Japanese verse.

Edited
by carol

michael

Michael Edwards

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Posted
<p align="center">Carol I do feel flattered that you find inspiration in my piece - if you write regularly why not join me on MyPoeticSide - it's a bit like POL with contributors from around the world. Taking up Roberts point here's another which I wrote only last night in Tanka format (I do love classical forms - for the technical a tanka is related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of 5,7,5,7,7 syllables): In distance standing proud before the sinking sun the mountain ranges silhouetted glowing warm in shimmering opal light.

Edited
by MichaelEdwards

D Hillman

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Posted
Thanks Micheal for your explanation of the tanka, I know nothing of poetry (I wrote adolescent lyrics when I was in bands but that was a long while ago) but amazing how a device such as prescribed numbers of syllables can make ordinary words suddenly become stanzas. It is most unnatural for me to write anything poetic, and even more so to do something which doesn't rhyme but I just knocked out 7 verses of tanka, I don't know if its good to any standard and probably cliche and obvious to a poetry buff but I think the person I wrote it for will like it because it talks of familiar themes between us in a 15 year romantic friendship which has always ebbed and flowed. I am not sure if this can be translated to canvas though... In romantic thoughts amongst idle fantasy Neringa beckons the forbidden beauty and lady of intrigue inspires me greatly a meloncholy angel a devil divine unraveling my hardness turning me giddy and young how is it a girl bereft and lonesome hasn't a saviour part of me rushes forwards knowing I fall short of her a woman needs to stand behind a greater man but so glorious she is the measure and more futility is fruitless so two single souls wander alone in the dark feeling sympathy for each others fading chance hope dashed by lifes bitter blows life simply painful meaning joyful suffering gain cannot be found all around is born to die yet my affection endures eternal friendship sending you love from afar dwelling on your words and rose tinted memorys of us simply holding hands
DSCF4152

Anonymous User

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Posted
A very romantic holiday romance, daveyboyz. Just one adjustment- memorys- memories. To keep the narrative of romance, I would just paint a person walking alone across a beach, but with two sets of footprints. Nice work.

Edited
by carol

D Hillman

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Good idea for a painting Carol (though it wasn't a holiday romance, 15 years would be a long time for one of those) and good spot on the spelling error. Also she seemed to really like it :) which is nice.
michael

Michael Edwards

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It's a great write Davey especially considering you are not a regular poet. Being a bit of a poetical nerd I do note that there are a few lines where the syllable count is short but a minor point. . Of course it could be transferred to canvas and especially if you think in terms of abstract

D Hillman

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I am a little confused which words give the impression of a holiday romance, The situation between us is completely non-typical, but sometimes you meet someone and you just have some deep connection and I guess that is the root of it and great if it has inspired a painting :) Of course I would only be too happy to post it over there.
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